at least i can hear the rain

the bedroom floor feels harder today

pain with every motion 

in crooked hips spine and brain

pain even when still

you’d give up too

so i’ll just try later

it’s later

time to lie and manipulate

like my severe depression

severe

Depression

pushing

or pulling

me into the cheap dirty carpet

the air tastes sterile yet unclean

i crawl over furniture to outside

to wet heavy air 

it makes no difference 

something still pushes

or pulls me

at least be original motherfucker

twist me motherfucker

twist me 
please

it makes no difference

back inside i cover myself with a huge blanket

and it’s warm

almost too warm

i find my ear pressed into the cheap carpet

looking for the pulse of this hard fuzzy ground

only to find the tiny desperate pulse of itself