"audio and video tapes discovered after vehicular suicide locked away by family"

 friday is everything i wanted but never got

not that i get it on friday,

i just feel the absence 

of all these things 

at once

call it a slow death 

each moment spread out

a little bit longer than the preceding one

for example

this moment one lasts maybe fifteen seconds:

she turns her head toward the the apartment window

face illuminated by the refracted afternoon light

obscured from me by falling brown hair

a thousand days later that same moment lasts an afternoon:

for six hours my eyes fixed on the same window

watching the sun crawl into and out of view again

it already happened, all of it

the machinations of the vhs player of my mind are dusted and worn

the tape is translucent after thousands of playbacks

the picture on the screen is becoming smaller and the sound dimmer

due to the proximity effect

as my futon sinks from my body 

further into the shag underneath the window

away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, 

only a landscape for someone else's life to fill