everyday i have to scroll further down the messages app to see your name 
the only person with a contact photo
a big smile
today was shit and im exhausted
i screamed on the way home
bought beer& envisioned further screams
nocturnal intoxication
it's not worth the money
\ how can anyone live alone
in constant revolt
anger loops in my head 
sleeping on the floor 
dousing dreams
asexual wet dreams
sonic daydreams
the nightmare underneath
a snare drum to carry me off 
no, not to heaven my angel
i don't think anyone's gone to heaven
ever
i think jesus sits in the gold dry clouds alone
disease free 
& i caught a glimpse of the sleep in his eyes the goop the earthworm 
sleepy jesus 
baby i understand
he's tired 
of never getting tired
& soon, maybe tonight, 
i'll see him in the corner of my bedroom sobbing
& we'll share a smile